Uh Oh. Now What?

A few months ago, I was given a choice about my job. I won't go into detail other than to say a yes or a no would significantly impact my life either way. I prayed and prayed. Then I asked my circle of prayer warriors among my friends and family to pray with me. A good friend repeatedly gave me this verse throughout this process:

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left" (Isaiah 30:21 English Standard Version).

In the end, I felt God leading me to decline the proposition on the table. I gave my employer my answer and waited for the inevitable.

Last week, the satellite office I worked for was closed, and I was laid off. I had been in that job since 2007. I had survived three lay-offs, one supervisor, two managers, two assistant vice presidents, and even a corporate acquisition.

While in the human resources office, one of the staff members looked at me and said, "You're taking this very well."

There are a few reasons for that:

1. I could understand the business reasoning for the office closure so I didn't take it personally.
2.  Getting hysterical wouldn't change the business determination.
3. MOST IMPORTANT: God is in control.

So when management told me they were closing our office effective immediately, I remembered all the prayers and God's answer. 

He has a plan, and while it's daunting to lose a job, I'm excited to see what God's working out through this. God's plans for me are higher than my own, and I'm clinging to Him in an uncertain time. I've been listening to this song a lot. I hope it comforts you the way it continues to comfort me.

Why Should I Forgive Her?

Most of us have a variety of friends on Facebook - the person we met ten years ago standing in line at the grocery store, the old high school friend you weren't really friends with, the girl from second grade you shared a sleepover with, our relatives, our besties... The list goes on and on.

Recently as I scrolled through my feed, I came across a post from a friend whose name normally brings with it a sting of rejection. I've often questioned why I friended this person on Facebook after our history, but that seems to be how Facebook works. We had been good friends, but one day, without warning, she snubbed me. Things never returned to normal, and I was never sure why. I was given a reason by an acquaintance, but it didn't make sense. It's really not important now other than to say I was legitimately wronged.

It hurt. A lot. That hurt was compounded by the rough season I faced in my life at the time. A few years later, we were invited to the same event and made a superficial peace for the sake of our mutual friend.

I remembered all of this as I looked at the post, still feeling the pang of the lost friendship. I read the post, and my heart broke over what her family has been currently facing. I went about my morning routine, but I couldn't get it out of my head. As I put on my makeup, I muttered, "I really should forgive her. She's been through a lot."

This made me stop. I took a long look at myself in that mirror and felt shame. I should forgive her only because she's been through a lot? Conviction gripped me tight. No. I should forgive her because God forgives me, and His word instructs me to forgive others. Am I better than her? Certainly not. I have done vile things, thought evil thoughts, but I seek forgiveness from God and have asked forgiveness from those in my life. How can I expect to be forgiven if I don't forgive others?

The simmering anger I had held onto all these years started to melt away, and I realized once again that forgiveness heals. The person you forgive may never know it. But doing so allows our hearts to release the bitterness so we can love like we should. I don't have to continue to endure someone's bad behavior. I can choose not to accept toxic relationships, but forgive the person, and let the anger die.

Are you holding onto anger and hurt? Why not let God help you forgive? It's not easy, but if God instructs us to do something, He doesn't leave us to do it alone.

I Am Not Alone

It's been five years since my last post, and I've debated with whether or not to continue this blog since I have trouble with being consistent with it.

But this morning, as I was sitting at the kitchen table and drinking my coffee, I started thinking about how blessed I am, and I just had to share it.

You see, I have been struggling with one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make in my life - a decision that would not only impact me but also everyone close to me. I've prayed and wept and prayed and asked other to pray and prayed some more and wept some more. This choice has been eating me alive. I've been sick. I haven't been sleeping well. I've gained seven pounds (thanks, steroids). I haven't been a good friend or family member to people, and all my focus has been on what I should do.

Here's the thing about being solely focused on self, though. We lose sight of God and His will. I was praying for God's will (and still am), but then I spent all day and night searching my own wisdom. Now, I'm not saying that in times of decision that I don't think God expects us not to use the earthly tools He gives us, but we also have to trust Him.

So I made a decision last week based on what I felt like God was leading me to do, and, finally, I felt some peace. Things are still going to be tough. None of the options in this scenario would be easy so even this decision has risks and challenges, but I recently watched a video from a Christian teacher who said, "If God calls you, He will equip you."

Friends, I have been soul-searching, struggling, and depressed, but I have not been alone. God is pulling me through this, and I am so grateful. I hope this song blesses you today the way it has been blessing me through this time.