Uh Oh. Now What?

A few months ago, I was given a choice about my job. I won't go into detail other than to say a yes or a no would significantly impact my life either way. I prayed and prayed. Then I asked my circle of prayer warriors among my friends and family to pray with me. A good friend repeatedly gave me this verse throughout this process:

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left" (Isaiah 30:21 English Standard Version).

In the end, I felt God leading me to decline the proposition on the table. I gave my employer my answer and waited for the inevitable.

Last week, the satellite office I worked for was closed, and I was laid off. I had been in that job since 2007. I had survived three lay-offs, one supervisor, two managers, two assistant vice presidents, and even a corporate acquisition.

While in the human resources office, one of the staff members looked at me and said, "You're taking this very well."

There are a few reasons for that:

1. I could understand the business reasoning for the office closure so I didn't take it personally.
2.  Getting hysterical wouldn't change the business determination.
3. MOST IMPORTANT: God is in control.

So when management told me they were closing our office effective immediately, I remembered all the prayers and God's answer. 

He has a plan, and while it's daunting to lose a job, I'm excited to see what God's working out through this. God's plans for me are higher than my own, and I'm clinging to Him in an uncertain time. I've been listening to this song a lot. I hope it comforts you the way it continues to comfort me.

Why Should I Forgive Her?

Most of us have a variety of friends on Facebook - the person we met ten years ago standing in line at the grocery store, the old high school friend you weren't really friends with, the girl from second grade you shared a sleepover with, our relatives, our besties... The list goes on and on.

Recently as I scrolled through my feed, I came across a post from a friend whose name normally brings with it a sting of rejection. I've often questioned why I friended this person on Facebook after our history, but that seems to be how Facebook works. We had been good friends, but one day, without warning, she snubbed me. Things never returned to normal, and I was never sure why. I was given a reason by an acquaintance, but it didn't make sense. It's really not important now other than to say I was legitimately wronged.

It hurt. A lot. That hurt was compounded by the rough season I faced in my life at the time. A few years later, we were invited to the same event and made a superficial peace for the sake of our mutual friend.

I remembered all of this as I looked at the post, still feeling the pang of the lost friendship. I read the post, and my heart broke over what her family has been currently facing. I went about my morning routine, but I couldn't get it out of my head. As I put on my makeup, I muttered, "I really should forgive her. She's been through a lot."

This made me stop. I took a long look at myself in that mirror and felt shame. I should forgive her only because she's been through a lot? Conviction gripped me tight. No. I should forgive her because God forgives me, and His word instructs me to forgive others. Am I better than her? Certainly not. I have done vile things, thought evil thoughts, but I seek forgiveness from God and have asked forgiveness from those in my life. How can I expect to be forgiven if I don't forgive others?

The simmering anger I had held onto all these years started to melt away, and I realized once again that forgiveness heals. The person you forgive may never know it. But doing so allows our hearts to release the bitterness so we can love like we should. I don't have to continue to endure someone's bad behavior. I can choose not to accept toxic relationships, but forgive the person, and let the anger die.

Are you holding onto anger and hurt? Why not let God help you forgive? It's not easy, but if God instructs us to do something, He doesn't leave us to do it alone.

I Am Not Alone

It's been five years since my last post, and I've debated with whether or not to continue this blog since I have trouble with being consistent with it.

But this morning, as I was sitting at the kitchen table and drinking my coffee, I started thinking about how blessed I am, and I just had to share it.

You see, I have been struggling with one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make in my life - a decision that would not only impact me but also everyone close to me. I've prayed and wept and prayed and asked other to pray and prayed some more and wept some more. This choice has been eating me alive. I've been sick. I haven't been sleeping well. I've gained seven pounds (thanks, steroids). I haven't been a good friend or family member to people, and all my focus has been on what I should do.

Here's the thing about being solely focused on self, though. We lose sight of God and His will. I was praying for God's will (and still am), but then I spent all day and night searching my own wisdom. Now, I'm not saying that in times of decision that I don't think God expects us not to use the earthly tools He gives us, but we also have to trust Him.

So I made a decision last week based on what I felt like God was leading me to do, and, finally, I felt some peace. Things are still going to be tough. None of the options in this scenario would be easy so even this decision has risks and challenges, but I recently watched a video from a Christian teacher who said, "If God calls you, He will equip you."

Friends, I have been soul-searching, struggling, and depressed, but I have not been alone. God is pulling me through this, and I am so grateful. I hope this song blesses you today the way it has been blessing me through this time.

Eavesdropping at work

Lately, circumstances have dictated my need to work in the actual office instead of from my home.  When in the office, I typically play music through headphones and drown out distractions.  Today, I had not yet put the headphones on my ears and heard someone say, "If you don't look out for yourself, no one else will."  How many times have I said that!  Hearing that made me ashamed.  I'm not, nor should I be, first.  Christ should be first.  Showing His love should be my priority.  I am so guilty of forgetting that.  What a reminder today.

Boston, Texas, and more

The Lord is good, A stronghold in the day of trouble; And He knows those who trust in Him. (Nahum 1:7 NKJV)

My last post on this blog was in 2011. Where does the time go? I haven't written here in a long time because I've been assaulted with the idea, "Who am I to say anything?" Well, I'm not perfect. I make a lot of mistakes, but I love the Lord and still want to encourage people with what encourages me.

In light of this week's events, I have struggled, like so many people, to make sense of these tragedies in Boston and Texas. The destruction, in both places, is hard to fathom. I won't pretend to understand why these things happen. It's one of those questions most Christians wrestle with on a regular basis. I don't have a good answer other than to say I'm not God. My mind is finite, limited. I cannot see all things or understand His bigger plan. What I do know, is God is still there. God is still with us if we draw near to Him

Someone said to me this week, "I just don't know how much more of this I can stand." My response is what it always is in these dark times. It won't always be like this. If we believe the Bible (and I do), our hope lies in His promise that Jesus will return. The world will be made new. This life is just a blip in comparison to the eternity He has promised us as His children.

In the interim, God shows us He still empowers people to help one another. He empowered bystanders and first responders to leap over barricades and tear them down to reach the wounded. He empowered people to share their coats and homes and food. That's just the tip of the iceberg in Boston. We don't even know the heroic stories that will come out of Texas. We all still need to allow God to empower us to help victims of both tragedies. The opportunity is before us to rise to the challenge and show God's love until He returns. Let's stand in God's love and share that love with those who need us in their darkest hours. Pray and look for ways to help. The medical bills will be horrific for people at both sites. And so many in Texas will have lost everything - homes, clothes, possessions. We can help. In the coming days, reputable organizations like Samaritan's Purse and the American Red Cross will be sending aid. Look at these organizations to see how we can help.

http://www.samaritanspurse.org/
http://www.redcross.org/news/press-release/Red-Cross-Response-Efforts-Continue-in-Texas-and-Boston

Struggling with Forgiveness

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9 NASB

I think most Christian struggle with the idea of forgiveness. And I think the hardest part of forgiveness sometimes is forgiving ourselves. I'm constantly telling people who talk to me about this how if we pray in a truly remorseful way to ask for forgiveness, God forgives. Then we must forgive ourselves. But in light of poor decisions I have made recently, now I have to try to follow my own advice. I hate the feeling of being separated from God by my own sins and the feeling that I have no right to talk to God. But this morning, I was thinking about my own advice. I have already prayed about these things. If God will forgive me, who am I to continue to rake myself over the coals? My friend, Eric Horner, has a song that says, "What's done is done." Thank God He is faithful, and the past is the past. Today is a new day by the grace of the Lord.

Anger and Sin

Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger - Ephesians 4:26 NASB

While I saw people on the news who were supposedly happy with the outcome of the Casey Anthony trial yesterday, I don't know anyone in my realm of reality that agreed with that. God is the author of justice. So yesterday's verdict angers us, because it doesn't seem like justice. I could launch into a diatribe now about how flawed our legal system is and how morally corrupt our world is, but we are all aware of these facts. The question now is, how do we handle these facts?

I struggle with this idea a lot. How can we be angry and not sin? How do we still enjoy God's peace and fight injustice at the same time? How do we reconcile the idea of an all-powerful God and injustice we see everyday? I am not the first to ask this question. I will not be the last. And I think this is one of the hardest questions of the Christian Faith. I truly wish I could offer an answer that would completely satisfy this problem. I don't have a plain answer. What I have is faith.

I believe that God is ultimately in control, but I believe He has chosen to give mankind freewill - freewill that we misuse constantly. But I also believe that God's promise to always be with us, to never leave nor forsake us, is real. Bad things happen, but God never abandons us. I can't imagine how much worse any of this would be without God. I have been through very dark times in my life. There were times when I was so angry with God for letting things happen to me that were awful and unfair. But God never left me. Now I know that He carried me through those times. He comforts me even now.