Goodbye, Thanksgiving...Hello, Christmas

Today was the first Sunday in Advent. So this past week, we spent time being thankful for all our blessings. Now we focus on the greatest gift we could have ever received - Christmas. I don't mean Santa and his elves. I'm not talking about trees with garland and lights. Don't get me wrong. I like the shiny bows and beautifully wrapped gifts. But the real joy of Christmas comes from remembering the love of a God who would willingly leave a throne of glory to become a helpless baby. The joy is in knowing that Jesus loved us enough to come here and be born in Bethlehem in the humblest of beginnings. Tonight, my roommate and I have watched a couple of fluffy Christmas movies and laughed in delight. But the reason we can enjoy this season and have so much fun is because of the freedom and liberty Christ's sacrifice has given us. Remembering how mankind waited for the Messiah and celebrated His birth, we can now await His triumphant return! In the meantime, we are supposed to live with the joy and victory God has already given us and share the love He gives us with others. I'll say it again before the season is over, but Joy to the World! The Lord has come!

Hives and more...Epiphany!

I missed two days of work this week from a horrible outbreak of what turned out to be hives. HIVES. Monday morning I awoke to find my eyes swollen so badly I almost didn't recognize them in the mirror (the crazy hair gave me away, though). This upset me. The next thing I knew, I was swelling and breaking out all over. My legs, my back, my ankles, my arms... I had problems with hives when I was a kid, but hadn't had an issue in years and years. Because there is a risk of a possibly life-threatening rash with my medication, I became concerned this was related to the drug. I called my doctor and was referred to a dermatologist and told to stop the medicine. The dermatologist looked me over and pronounced, "Oh, they're just hives. Take some over the counter Zyrtec until they go away." He implied they were probably stress-related. I've thought about that all afternoon and evening. The more I worried about missing work and the rash, the more I broke out. The more I broke out, the more I worried. I was doped up on medicine and dreaming about not being at work. I guess all my recent worry about family, work, and money finally caught up with me. I am a closet worrier. On the surface and in most public venues, I seem calm and in control, but inside, I'm fretting. My daily coworkers and my family members know my secret. And I worry about them knowing my neurotic side so well.

But in the end today, I remembered something important. God only expects me to do the best I can do. I should do what I can and let God handle the rest. I see so many areas where justice needs to be doled out for wrongs, but nothing appears to be happening. Then I remember that justice truly remains in God's hands. When I worry about my family, I remember that prayer is powerful, and God hears and honors it. My stress over money? Ridiculous, really. I have so many blessings - a home, food, a car, even this laptop. And work... Sigh... Work is probably my biggest worry weakness. What does God expect me to do? Chip away at the work with my honest and earnest effort and know things will be okay.

Things will be okay. God IS in control. All the time. Forever. A deep breath and this verse helped me today: "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" (Psalm 46:10 NKJV)

And the answer is...

No.

God answered one of my prayers recently. The answer was not what I wanted to hear. In fact, I was quite heartbroken. And I actually said outloud, "God, why can't I have what I WANT for once?" But then I stopped and took it back. What I want for myself is never as good as what God wants for me. Receiving a "no" from God is difficult to accept, though. I really thought I was on the right track this time. But when I think over my life and prayers, those prayers I truly submitted to God were not always answered the way I wanted. And for some of those, I still don't know the reason, but I trust that God does. And there IS a reason. God has a purpose and a will for my life. I have to trust that this "no" is also a "wait and see what good thing I have in store for you!"

To Luke 1_28

Thank you! I will keep your comments in mind. :-) And I will pray and think about these comments.

Waiting

Wow. So it's been a while since my last post. Sorry, people. Things have been weird. I have been very blessed, but life has been very hectic and stressful. Right now, I am being taught a lesson in patience, and I don't like it. I decided a long time ago to NEVER pray for patience. The only way to truly gain patience is to go through trials you can do nothing about except rely on God to carry you through. Or to not get an answer you want, but not to truly get a "no." That's where I am now. Lots of ideas swirling around in my head about what I want to do or what I feel led to do, but no clear direction on most issues even though I've been praying and have had others praying. But I'm getting little pointers here and there. I know God is listening. And He's with me even if I'm not enjoying His trickling responses. I truly believe there's a reason for it. This must be the pace God wants for me right now. I just need to keep praying for direction, and it will come.

Prayer

God, Your words are like fire to my weary and dark soul. Set me aflame, and give me Your Light so that I might spread Your Light to those who are still in the shadows.

All Souls

For the first time in years and years, I am excited about my relationship with God and my church. Although I've been reconnecting with God, I have struggled to find a church for a while now. Something never quite clicked for me at the churches I visited. I wish I could explain why. The reasons were so varied. The church was too small, too big, not friendly enough, smothering, needy, not needy enough, the music was out of style, there were no traditional hymns, etc. You can see I found every excuse in the world. And I am pretty creative so I was able to find something about every church. Even though I knew deep down that I was making excuses so I could avoid going to church, I blamed everything else around me.

Last November, my older brother approached me and my housemate/best friend about an idea he had stumbled across in his search for a church home as well. He stumbled upon an idea called the Convergence movement. This idea put forth the concept that church should include all three main streams of worship: liturgical, evangelical, and charismatic. It seems like a lot of modern churches only focus on one of these three streams, but the convergence movement recognizes the importance of each one. I was intrigued. Of course, this does not mean that every church misses the boat, but it seems like church as usual is just not working. My older brother advised that there was not a convergence church in our area and posed the question. Would we want to start a church in Elgin, South Carolina?

My heart sank. I was ready to hop on board with a church like this, but start one? That would require so much time and effort. But the more he talked about it, the more I prayed, the more I felt led to give it a try. So in November of 2009, All Souls Mission was born. We are a tiny, tiny congregation at this time, but we are so blessed. Learning about this movement and being one of four has forced me to stay focused and committed to church. If I miss church, it's because I'm doing ministry work with another group, not because I was just too lazy to get out of bed. I can tell that God is working on my heart and speaking to me in a way I've never known before. The liturgical service and charismatic music is moving me more than I would have thought possible. Our group study focuses on our evangelical thrust and has really challenged my way of thinking. I can't even describe how excited all this has made me. Maybe all the searching I did was simply leading up to this challenge. I'll have to keep thinking about that. In the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy my renewed zeal for my relationship with Christ and focus on sharing His love.

Still Alive

I apologize. This blog has been quite neglected. But I am still here, and I still have a lot to say - things I hope people will find encouraging and thought-provoking. As some of you may know, I have been involved in the commissioning of a small, new Anglican Mission in Elgin, SC. We meet in my living room. This has been a time consuming and extremely rewarding process. Sometimes God hits me over the head, and this mission has been God's wake up call to me. My relationship with God has been strange over the last year, but through my commitment to helping with All Souls Mission, God and I have been getting reacquainted. Isn't it wonderful to know that if we seek Him, we will find Him!