Struggling with Forgiveness

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9 NASB

I think most Christian struggle with the idea of forgiveness. And I think the hardest part of forgiveness sometimes is forgiving ourselves. I'm constantly telling people who talk to me about this how if we pray in a truly remorseful way to ask for forgiveness, God forgives. Then we must forgive ourselves. But in light of poor decisions I have made recently, now I have to try to follow my own advice. I hate the feeling of being separated from God by my own sins and the feeling that I have no right to talk to God. But this morning, I was thinking about my own advice. I have already prayed about these things. If God will forgive me, who am I to continue to rake myself over the coals? My friend, Eric Horner, has a song that says, "What's done is done." Thank God He is faithful, and the past is the past. Today is a new day by the grace of the Lord.

Anger and Sin

Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger - Ephesians 4:26 NASB

While I saw people on the news who were supposedly happy with the outcome of the Casey Anthony trial yesterday, I don't know anyone in my realm of reality that agreed with that. God is the author of justice. So yesterday's verdict angers us, because it doesn't seem like justice. I could launch into a diatribe now about how flawed our legal system is and how morally corrupt our world is, but we are all aware of these facts. The question now is, how do we handle these facts?

I struggle with this idea a lot. How can we be angry and not sin? How do we still enjoy God's peace and fight injustice at the same time? How do we reconcile the idea of an all-powerful God and injustice we see everyday? I am not the first to ask this question. I will not be the last. And I think this is one of the hardest questions of the Christian Faith. I truly wish I could offer an answer that would completely satisfy this problem. I don't have a plain answer. What I have is faith.

I believe that God is ultimately in control, but I believe He has chosen to give mankind freewill - freewill that we misuse constantly. But I also believe that God's promise to always be with us, to never leave nor forsake us, is real. Bad things happen, but God never abandons us. I can't imagine how much worse any of this would be without God. I have been through very dark times in my life. There were times when I was so angry with God for letting things happen to me that were awful and unfair. But God never left me. Now I know that He carried me through those times. He comforts me even now.

May 21st - the End of the World?

But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone. Matthew 24:36 NASB

So why do people keep insisting they know when the world is going to end? Well, I don't know the answer to that question either. I have seen billboards and vehicles displaying this end of the world on May 21st warning all over the place. Frankly, it makes my blood boil. Jesus warned us that people would try to predict the date of His return, but every time I hear or see someone actually do it, I'm annoyed. There are some ideas in the Bible that have difficult interpretations. This is not one of them.

But this warning did start me to thinking. What if tomorrow was the day Jesus returns? How would we treat today differently? What would we do out of our normal routine? If you had to stand face to face with Jesus Christ tomorrow, how would it affect the words that you speak today? How would that affect the choices you make today? Would you spend time reading your Bible? Would you make time to pray? Would you tell your family members you love them? Would you try to help someone in need?

We don't know the day and time, and the Bible calls us to always be ready. Instead of continuing to fester in annoyance at these doomsayers, I think I'll just try to remember that they don't know and neither do I so I better live each day as if tomorrow is THE day. And this way, I can trust God for the peace that only He can give.

I'm Not Dead

But I don't know about what to write. It's one of those times when everything seems to be in total chaos. The world is a scary place right now, there's no denying that. As if people aren't frightening enough, it's as if nature has turned against us as well. Tornadoes, tsunamis, earthquakes, floods, and more. What can we do against this kind of overwhelming discord? In these times, it's easy to allow ourselves to get tangled up in worry and stress. I certainly do it from time to time. I will get so stressed I almost forget to breathe. I find myself holding my breath at my desk at work. I have to remind myself to inhale and exhale in long, slow breaths. It usually clears my head.

So what do we do? How do we handle this? I don't have the answers other than what helps me. Prayer is powerful. I try to make it my first line of defense. No matter how crazy the world seems, I know God is still there and listens to His children's prayers. How can we then put feet to these prayers?

First, we have to remember that we can control ourselves and our reactions, but not those around us. We can't bend others to our will. We cannot control this world, only how we react to it.

Second, we should diligently do what is before us. I work in a stressful environment right now. Everyday, I come in and face an unreasonable amount of work for any one person. All I can do is pick up one thing at a time and do it. Eventually, the storm will pass, but until then, I will do what I can do, go home, and not think about it past that.

Third, I feel strongly about helping people so I volunteer and donate to causes I feel do good work. It makes me feel like I'm doing something to help. It makes me feel less powerless in this crazy world.

This is not a fool-proof recipe, and I certainly fail at this from time to time, but these things help me. And I practice to get better at them everyday. If I remember and employ nothing else, I will pray and remember God hears and answers.

Re-reading the Classics

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
--Emily Dickinson

I've been reading Little Women by Louisa May Aclott and Emily Dickinson's poetry lately and am reminded of lessons I tend to forget. Some of that work seems irrelevant at first glance, but the more I think about it, the more I see those lessons still apply. For instance, I find it hard to keep perspective sometimes that I'm not here to please myself. The characters in Little Women struggled with that dilemma as well. Now, more than ever, we live in a culture that is all about self-gratification and instant satisfaction. Even our television viewing is saturated with reality shows about people who do NOT live in reality (thereby causing kids to think this is what life is supposed to be like, by the way). But these attributes are not new to the human race. Greed and selfishness have been around since the beginning of time. And yet, I am so quick to look at society and celebrities and scold for how selfish everyone is, but I have to take time to remember that I need to look at the plank in my own eye first. Instead of worrying what everyone else can do to help people, maybe I should worry about what I can do to help people. Taking care of the less fortunate is not a job for the government. It's a job for the church according to Jesus. And I am the church. We are the church. The church is not a building, it's individuals like myself. I am hoping to retrain my focus from clucking at how awful people around me are. Instead, I'm going to try asking myself, "What can I do to help someone else?" Sometimes, that answer is only prayer, but prayer is mighty powerful.

Morning Headache

Ever just wake up cranky? I had trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep last night. Therefore, I woke up with a headache. The headache is probably also related to sinus issues as our heater has been running nearly nonstop since this winter storm hit. I dragged out of bed 45 minutes after my alarm and let the dog out. I cringed realizing we had not bought enough breakfast groceries. I sat down with a cup of coffee and sighed. But for the first time in a long time, instead of moaning, "Ugh, this is gonna be a bad day," I just heaved a sigh and felt some peace settle over me. I had a rough night, but thank God, I woke up to face another day. I have a gaggle of wonderful family and friends I don't deserve. I have a job and benefits. I have a warm house in which to live and food to eat (there is stuff to eat, just not what I wanted for breakfast). I even have more than I need so I can have a laptop and TV and a fancy schmancy phone. I support two cats and a dog (all of which are rotten - and true, my roommate probably pays more for the cats than I do). I have been so blessed to live in a country where I can be free to express my beliefs and religion. Our country has its problems, but we are still free. And I am still proud and blessed to be an American.

I woke up cranky, and God just wouldn't let me stay that way. He reminded me that He has blessed me and to be thankful. And I am. I really am!

2011

I have read a lot of articles and advice that would indicate New Year's Resolutions are not a great idea. They set you up for failure and make you feel bad if you don't keep with them. It's said you should set goals instead of resolutions, and they seem more obtainable. I suppose that makes sense, but I don't think there's anything wrong with using a specific date to change habits in your life. Using a specific date seems to help prepare your mind for it. I made a couple of resolutions/goals/changes (whatever you feel better calling it) this year. One of my goals is to be more consistant with posts to my blogs. My aim is once a week. If you enjoy this blog and notice more than a week passing without a post, feel free to ask me about it. I'm sure there will be times going forward I won't be able to post once a week, but that will be the goal.

I hope everyone has had a safe and cheerful Christmas and New Year Holiday!