Morning Headache

Ever just wake up cranky? I had trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep last night. Therefore, I woke up with a headache. The headache is probably also related to sinus issues as our heater has been running nearly nonstop since this winter storm hit. I dragged out of bed 45 minutes after my alarm and let the dog out. I cringed realizing we had not bought enough breakfast groceries. I sat down with a cup of coffee and sighed. But for the first time in a long time, instead of moaning, "Ugh, this is gonna be a bad day," I just heaved a sigh and felt some peace settle over me. I had a rough night, but thank God, I woke up to face another day. I have a gaggle of wonderful family and friends I don't deserve. I have a job and benefits. I have a warm house in which to live and food to eat (there is stuff to eat, just not what I wanted for breakfast). I even have more than I need so I can have a laptop and TV and a fancy schmancy phone. I support two cats and a dog (all of which are rotten - and true, my roommate probably pays more for the cats than I do). I have been so blessed to live in a country where I can be free to express my beliefs and religion. Our country has its problems, but we are still free. And I am still proud and blessed to be an American.

I woke up cranky, and God just wouldn't let me stay that way. He reminded me that He has blessed me and to be thankful. And I am. I really am!

2011

I have read a lot of articles and advice that would indicate New Year's Resolutions are not a great idea. They set you up for failure and make you feel bad if you don't keep with them. It's said you should set goals instead of resolutions, and they seem more obtainable. I suppose that makes sense, but I don't think there's anything wrong with using a specific date to change habits in your life. Using a specific date seems to help prepare your mind for it. I made a couple of resolutions/goals/changes (whatever you feel better calling it) this year. One of my goals is to be more consistant with posts to my blogs. My aim is once a week. If you enjoy this blog and notice more than a week passing without a post, feel free to ask me about it. I'm sure there will be times going forward I won't be able to post once a week, but that will be the goal.

I hope everyone has had a safe and cheerful Christmas and New Year Holiday!

Goodbye, Thanksgiving...Hello, Christmas

Today was the first Sunday in Advent. So this past week, we spent time being thankful for all our blessings. Now we focus on the greatest gift we could have ever received - Christmas. I don't mean Santa and his elves. I'm not talking about trees with garland and lights. Don't get me wrong. I like the shiny bows and beautifully wrapped gifts. But the real joy of Christmas comes from remembering the love of a God who would willingly leave a throne of glory to become a helpless baby. The joy is in knowing that Jesus loved us enough to come here and be born in Bethlehem in the humblest of beginnings. Tonight, my roommate and I have watched a couple of fluffy Christmas movies and laughed in delight. But the reason we can enjoy this season and have so much fun is because of the freedom and liberty Christ's sacrifice has given us. Remembering how mankind waited for the Messiah and celebrated His birth, we can now await His triumphant return! In the meantime, we are supposed to live with the joy and victory God has already given us and share the love He gives us with others. I'll say it again before the season is over, but Joy to the World! The Lord has come!

Hives and more...Epiphany!

I missed two days of work this week from a horrible outbreak of what turned out to be hives. HIVES. Monday morning I awoke to find my eyes swollen so badly I almost didn't recognize them in the mirror (the crazy hair gave me away, though). This upset me. The next thing I knew, I was swelling and breaking out all over. My legs, my back, my ankles, my arms... I had problems with hives when I was a kid, but hadn't had an issue in years and years. Because there is a risk of a possibly life-threatening rash with my medication, I became concerned this was related to the drug. I called my doctor and was referred to a dermatologist and told to stop the medicine. The dermatologist looked me over and pronounced, "Oh, they're just hives. Take some over the counter Zyrtec until they go away." He implied they were probably stress-related. I've thought about that all afternoon and evening. The more I worried about missing work and the rash, the more I broke out. The more I broke out, the more I worried. I was doped up on medicine and dreaming about not being at work. I guess all my recent worry about family, work, and money finally caught up with me. I am a closet worrier. On the surface and in most public venues, I seem calm and in control, but inside, I'm fretting. My daily coworkers and my family members know my secret. And I worry about them knowing my neurotic side so well.

But in the end today, I remembered something important. God only expects me to do the best I can do. I should do what I can and let God handle the rest. I see so many areas where justice needs to be doled out for wrongs, but nothing appears to be happening. Then I remember that justice truly remains in God's hands. When I worry about my family, I remember that prayer is powerful, and God hears and honors it. My stress over money? Ridiculous, really. I have so many blessings - a home, food, a car, even this laptop. And work... Sigh... Work is probably my biggest worry weakness. What does God expect me to do? Chip away at the work with my honest and earnest effort and know things will be okay.

Things will be okay. God IS in control. All the time. Forever. A deep breath and this verse helped me today: "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" (Psalm 46:10 NKJV)

And the answer is...

No.

God answered one of my prayers recently. The answer was not what I wanted to hear. In fact, I was quite heartbroken. And I actually said outloud, "God, why can't I have what I WANT for once?" But then I stopped and took it back. What I want for myself is never as good as what God wants for me. Receiving a "no" from God is difficult to accept, though. I really thought I was on the right track this time. But when I think over my life and prayers, those prayers I truly submitted to God were not always answered the way I wanted. And for some of those, I still don't know the reason, but I trust that God does. And there IS a reason. God has a purpose and a will for my life. I have to trust that this "no" is also a "wait and see what good thing I have in store for you!"

To Luke 1_28

Thank you! I will keep your comments in mind. :-) And I will pray and think about these comments.

Waiting

Wow. So it's been a while since my last post. Sorry, people. Things have been weird. I have been very blessed, but life has been very hectic and stressful. Right now, I am being taught a lesson in patience, and I don't like it. I decided a long time ago to NEVER pray for patience. The only way to truly gain patience is to go through trials you can do nothing about except rely on God to carry you through. Or to not get an answer you want, but not to truly get a "no." That's where I am now. Lots of ideas swirling around in my head about what I want to do or what I feel led to do, but no clear direction on most issues even though I've been praying and have had others praying. But I'm getting little pointers here and there. I know God is listening. And He's with me even if I'm not enjoying His trickling responses. I truly believe there's a reason for it. This must be the pace God wants for me right now. I just need to keep praying for direction, and it will come.