Prayer

God, Your words are like fire to my weary and dark soul. Set me aflame, and give me Your Light so that I might spread Your Light to those who are still in the shadows.

All Souls

For the first time in years and years, I am excited about my relationship with God and my church. Although I've been reconnecting with God, I have struggled to find a church for a while now. Something never quite clicked for me at the churches I visited. I wish I could explain why. The reasons were so varied. The church was too small, too big, not friendly enough, smothering, needy, not needy enough, the music was out of style, there were no traditional hymns, etc. You can see I found every excuse in the world. And I am pretty creative so I was able to find something about every church. Even though I knew deep down that I was making excuses so I could avoid going to church, I blamed everything else around me.

Last November, my older brother approached me and my housemate/best friend about an idea he had stumbled across in his search for a church home as well. He stumbled upon an idea called the Convergence movement. This idea put forth the concept that church should include all three main streams of worship: liturgical, evangelical, and charismatic. It seems like a lot of modern churches only focus on one of these three streams, but the convergence movement recognizes the importance of each one. I was intrigued. Of course, this does not mean that every church misses the boat, but it seems like church as usual is just not working. My older brother advised that there was not a convergence church in our area and posed the question. Would we want to start a church in Elgin, South Carolina?

My heart sank. I was ready to hop on board with a church like this, but start one? That would require so much time and effort. But the more he talked about it, the more I prayed, the more I felt led to give it a try. So in November of 2009, All Souls Mission was born. We are a tiny, tiny congregation at this time, but we are so blessed. Learning about this movement and being one of four has forced me to stay focused and committed to church. If I miss church, it's because I'm doing ministry work with another group, not because I was just too lazy to get out of bed. I can tell that God is working on my heart and speaking to me in a way I've never known before. The liturgical service and charismatic music is moving me more than I would have thought possible. Our group study focuses on our evangelical thrust and has really challenged my way of thinking. I can't even describe how excited all this has made me. Maybe all the searching I did was simply leading up to this challenge. I'll have to keep thinking about that. In the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy my renewed zeal for my relationship with Christ and focus on sharing His love.

Still Alive

I apologize. This blog has been quite neglected. But I am still here, and I still have a lot to say - things I hope people will find encouraging and thought-provoking. As some of you may know, I have been involved in the commissioning of a small, new Anglican Mission in Elgin, SC. We meet in my living room. This has been a time consuming and extremely rewarding process. Sometimes God hits me over the head, and this mission has been God's wake up call to me. My relationship with God has been strange over the last year, but through my commitment to helping with All Souls Mission, God and I have been getting reacquainted. Isn't it wonderful to know that if we seek Him, we will find Him!

Living with Others

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. --Romans 12:18 NKJV

This verse has been jangling around in my brain for a few days now. I've been trying to ignore it, but I can't. Honestly, I feel if a verse is sitting in your head, it's probably the Holy Spirit trying to tell you something. I have to admit to having a very bad attitude toward people in general. I think we live in a society of spoiled and immoral people. The problem is that this would include me. So instead of snarling at people, I need to work on my attitude and my spoiledness (is that a word?). It is not all right for me to let the world get to me to the point that I shut down even trying to get along with people anymore. The Bible says I should try. I think the reason we're told this is so we can reach the lost and hurting. People need His love so badly, and it's our job to reach them with it. It's MY job to reach them even when I don't feel like it. I rely on myself too often instead of leaning on the only real source of power.

Fall

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf's a flower. -- Albert Camus

I love the fall. I love when the weather starts to get colder and the leaves start to turn. I love the colors and the smells. I love getting sweaters out and wearing thicker socks in my favorite arm chair. It's just my favorite time of the year. I also am reminded that everything is changing so that eventually, the new can come. It's like that song by Shinedown. Sometimes goodbye is a second chance. That's the story of my life right now. A lot of things have ended, but they are just paving the way for something new.

Wake Up Call

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called. Ephesians 4:1 NKJV

Yesterday, I woke up and thought, "What am I doing? Do I believe in God or not? And if I do, can I continue to ignore God's commands about how to live my life?" I have been pretending that I can be a child of God, but then ignore Him and His commands when it's not convenient or I just don't feel like listening. I simply cannot continue this way. I won't allow guilt and remorse to consume or cripple me. instead, I'll face forward and only look back to be grateful for the way God has saved me. If my feet are dragging in mud, it's because I put them there. Jesus saved me, but I'm wasting this precious gift. Wasting it. And it's because I've been relying on my own strength and not His. But each day is also a gift, a chance to turn around and head the right direction. Every breath reaffirms my ability to change with God's help.

Coffee

If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now. --Marie Osmond

I have to admit that lately I've let so many little and big things get to me and tear me down. But sometimes, I think I just get too tired to fend them off. I get so busy I forget to take time for myself and repower my batteries. When I manage to take time to do this, I look back and think, "Why was I so worried about these things?" That's how I feel today. I had a nice weekend hanging out on a Military Sealift Command ship with my ex-husband (we're not getting back together). Just not being at work or even around the internet helped me refocus on what is important in life. It helped me to remember to appreciate my friends and family. I have a really great support network for which I am truly grateful. In the last 13 months, I have lost over 150 pounds. I found a nice place to live with my roommate. I love my pets. NCIS is on almost every night. And new Diner Dash-like games come out all the time. I have so much for which to be joyful. Why do I ever let the little things drag me down?